What Happens When a Duck Flies Upside Down?
words by Kris Hansen
What’s the best way to spot a unique bird? Unique up on it. Ba dum dum.
Yes, July 1 is International Joke Day, and today’s post is all about horrible puns, wacky one-liners and jokes that only a birder could love, or perhaps even understand. Without further Emu, here we go:
Sri Lankan Frogmouth. Goa, India, 2023. Photo by Emily Tallo.
How do crows stick together in a flock? Velcrow.
If three crows is a murder, what are two crows? Attempted murder.
Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.
A Mallard walked into a store and said, “Got any candy?” The storekeeper said, “No, we don’t.” The next day, the duck went into the same store, asked the same thing, and got the same answer. The duck went back every day for a week, asking the same thing and getting the same answer. One day the storekeeper got so angry, he yelled, “If you come in here and ask that again, I will hit you on the head with a hammer!” The next day, the duck walks into the store and asks, “Got a hammer?” The storekeeper says, “No.” Then the duck asks, “Got any candy?”
Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don’t know the words.
How does a sparrow with a broken wing manage to land safely? It uses its sparrowchute.
Fox Sparrow. Montrose Point, January 14, 2024. Photo by Dustin Weidner.
What does a Mountain Chickadee say? Chick-a-dee-dee-dude.
What does a Carolina Chickadee say? Chick-a-dee-dee-y’all.
What does a Boreal Chickadee say? Chick-a-dee-dee-eh?
What does a Black-capped Chickadee say? Chick-a-dee-dee-ope!
What is the natural habitat for Canada Geese? Everywhere. If you are out birding, there are some in your living room eating popcorn and watching TV.
The difference between a Greater and a Lesser Scaup is a matter of a pinion.
What is so wonderful about Sandhill Cranes? They are outstanding in their field.
Why was the dog barking at the door at daybreak? There were bird-lers outside.
How do you tell the difference between a woodpecker and a marsh hawk? One is Hairy, but the other is Harrier.
Cooper’s Hawk. Montrose Point, November 11, 2023. Photo by Dustin Weidner.
Why was the naturalist having trouble attracting bluebirds to his nest boxes? He put them in a high wren district.
What do you get when you cross a Whooping Crane with an American Goldfinch? Whooping Goldbird.
Which bird can you easily fool? A Gull-billed Tern.
What do you call a group of geese? A gaggle.
What do you call a group of crows? A murder.
What do you call a group of starlings? A murmuration.
What do you call a group of turtles? Nobody knows, but they’re happy together. (Don’t get it? Ask somebody over 60.)
A Rockhopper Penguin, an Emu, and a Greater Roadrunner walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “What is this, a joke?”
Red-breasted Merganser. Montrose Harbor, March 8, 2022. Photo by Katharine Spencer.
Guys and gallinules, let’s knot allow it to tern ugly while it’s stilt friendly. No sora feelings please because once it starts, wren willet end? Best to nip it in the budgerigar.
We hope you found these Veery funny.